With my Brain.
Thursday night. 11 pm. Should be asleep.
Mhh, Alex…He leans over… He can’t believe how much he wants me…
Brain: You should not be thinking about that guy!
Me: So what if I do? It’s not like I’m hurting anyone.
Brain: Yes you are. Yourself.
Me: No, I’m not.
Brain: Yes, you are.
Me: No, I’m not.
Brain: Yes, you- ohmygod you should be sleeping!! You have work tomorrow.
Me: Oh yeah, work. Ew…Fine. Sleepsleepsleep.
Brain: That’s not how it works.
Me: Well, may be if you’d shut up, I’d finally figure it out.
Twenty seconds in.
My old High School. Mrs Stomps-Around-Alot is screaming my name, all three labels of it, all the way from the quad. I almost trip, that fucking bi-
Brain: Okay, I’m calling it. This cannot be healthy for you.
Me: Obviously. I almost got a heart attack that day, that fucking bi-
Brain: You seriously need to get over it. It’s been four years since you cleared high school.
Me: No way. That woman was a bully!
Brain: I know, but you’re an adult now and you should know that sometimes people do bad things. That, in no way however, has anything to do with you. Their actions are up to them.
Me: She still sucked though.
Brain: Yeah, what a bitch.
Me: Okay, sleep. For real this time.
Yawns. Starts feeling weightless.
Brain: Do you think anyone from high school got ugly?
Camera pans in to a peacefully sleeping face, may be even angelic in its serenity. Suddenly, the eyes snap open.
Dramatic music plays in the background.
The little ninja snoops expertly through timelines, her bright screen illuminating ghastly in the dark room.
Me: Mahhn, everyone got hot! No wait…crap. False alarm. It’s just a bad angle.
Brain: I mean, look at those eyebrows.
Me: Damn YouTube tutorials.
Brain: Do you think you could ever get eyebrows like that?
Me: What are you talking about? I already have great eyebrows.
Brain: And the caterpillars on your face applaud you.
Me: Hehe lol. But seriously, all I’ve got to do is trim them once in a while-
Brain: Like hedges?
Heavily breathes in silent laughter.
Brain: No one’s got eyebrows anymore! You’re like the last of a dying breed.
Me: Thus I shall die victorious! And legend shall speak of the eyebrows of yore with great awe…
Brain: Shut up and sleep.